reguluscore:

harry missed his dad

people called him stupid, silly. “how can you miss him if you never had him?”

except he did have him. once.

when he was a baby, and he couldn’t remember him in the slightest, not really. he couldn’t remember his voice or his smile, or anything.

he knew his name, and that’s really about it.

but he had a picture of him, not the one of him and his mum. no this was just of his dad. he assumed it was taken around 6th year, his dad obviously in the old gryffindor dorms.

his hair was messy, kind of long, curly. he had on glasses like harry’s, but slightly bigger and a bit crooked. and he was smiling. bigger than any other picture of james he’d ever seen, his father had the biggest grin on his face.

he looked so happy.

harry doesn’t know what happened as they took the picture, or what his father was thinking. buut he wished he did.

he wished constantly that he had his dad with him, sometimes he felt guilty, not thinking of Lily so much. but atleast he could remember some of her, atleast he had stories and pictures. he barely had anything of his dad.

he wished he was with him. patting him on the back, fixing his hair, telling him he’d never leave.

harry isn’t exactly sure how a dad acts, but he’s sure james would be amazing at it.

and if there was anything in the world he wanted, it was to have his father by his side.

missing someone is a sort of longing, hoping and wishing all in one.

harry would look in the mirror and wonder if this is what his father looked like at this age.

harry would push his hand to his mouth to muffle his sobs and wonder if his father would hold him and calm him down

harry would grit his teeth and dig his nails into his hands and wonder if his father had this temper, or if he could control his magic and if he would teach harry to do the same

harry looked and ron and arthur, and her home and her dad, and cedric and his father. and wish, and feel ugly feeling of jealousy and rage build up in his stomache.

because it wasnt fair. james was 21, james was a dad.

james should have been there to send him off to hogwarts. he should have been there for his first quidditch game, or when he got his first kiss. he should have been there to hex snape and send funny howlers. he should have been throne to take him to the quidditch world cup and comfort him about cedric. he should have ben there.

what did harry do to deserve it? why couldn’t his dad be there?

and only on night were he was alone, would harry pull that picture out and hold it close to his chest. tears streaming down his face.

harry never knew his father was there, a whisper in the shadows, a cold breeze through the halls.

watching, protecting, loving.

harry never knew his dad missed him just the same.